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Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. Five Simple Steps to Speaking Your Truth - Part 1

Writer's picture: Kimberly GenlyKimberly Genly

Five Simple Steps to Speaking Your Truth – Part 1 Voicing our personal truth is a critical tenet to authenticity, and not always the easiest. Simple, yes…easy – not necessarily. Recently I had lunch with a couple of friends I hadn’t seen in months, and one of them asked my opinion about a decision she needed to make. From my perspective, it was clear that talking with the major players surrounding her decision making process would be not only beneficial, but critical to making an informed decision. I could feel a bit of discomfort about the table when I suggested this and…interestingly…the other friend had recently needed to have just such a conversation with someone in her life. She said her typical reaction in the past had been to simply withdraw, but she figured after 12 years of creative collaboration and friendship she needed to broach the topic, no matter how uncomfortable and difficult it was. Ultimately, it brought them even closer. Speaking our truth requires vulnerability – we have no way of predicting the reaction to what we share. I feel self-conscious writing this post for just that reason. Yet it’s often the only way to open a channel for growth and change. The other person or people involved (whether a spouse or a boss) isn’t a mind reader – she or he won’t know what we’re experiencing unless we share our experience. And HOW we share our experience, right down to the wording we choose, is a huge factor in how other people react. Here are five simple (not necessarily easy) steps to speaking your truth. 1.) Refrain from reacting when angry or upset. I suspect most regrets arise from things that weren’t said, or weren’t done. I suspect right on the heels of that are regrets arising from things that were said or done in anger. Right in the middle of a bout of anger or frustration isn’t the time to speak your truth. It may be time to write an anger letter you will never send, or sit down to journal or go for a walk. I’m a big fan of writing about a particularly challenging conversation that needs to happen prior to actually having the conversation. 2.) Ask yourself honestly how you may be contributing to the situation. Do your best to truly look at the situation from the other party’s perspective, how they may be interpreting events and what their needs and desires may be. This alone can bring about huge ah-ha moments. And it requires courage. The easiest thing in the world to do is point out all of the other person’s flaws and where they are wrong and messed up in their thinking or behavior. But that isn’t voicing our truth; it’s just complaining. (I should know; I’ve done it plenty of times! And it’s never once helped anything.) 3.) Word your truth respectfully and compassionately. I know of no better compassionate communication model than Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org): Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests. Here’s a simplistic example: Observation: I noticed right after coming home from work you turned the TV on to watch the news. (As opposed to something like you can really be an inconsiderate asshole.) Feeling: I felt dismissed and like I’m not very important. (As opposed to going into the bedroom and slamming the door.) Need: I would like to have a few minutes of hugging and sharing about our day before turning on the television. (Instead of expecting your partner to automatically know what you need.) Request: Would that be possible? Who knows what the reaction to your request might be? It’s possible there was some urgent reason for turning on the news right away that particular night (maybe your partner had just been interviewed by a reporter and wanted to see if the segment would air.) Or maybe you’re not with the right partner if this happens night after night no matter how many times you’ve made the request. But you never know until you ask! Self-expression must pass into communication for its fulfillment. –Pearl S. Buck I’ll not listen to reason. Reason always means what someone else has got to say. –Elizabeth Gaskell Authentically Yours, Laura

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